


Matthew Hunziker’s Really-Badly-Thought-Out Plan™

by stupidsecretthings



Category: Bon Appétit Test Kitchen RPF, Chef RPF
Genre: F/M, I mean, he's also very sneaky, he's so tired, honestly, hunzi is just so done, so are brad and claire, someone get him a drink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:02:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21686623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidsecretthings/pseuds/stupidsecretthings
Summary: In which Matt Hunziker is done with Brad and Claire being ridiculously oblivious to each other’s feelings and just needs them to get on with it already.
Relationships: Brad Leone/Claire Saffitz
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63





	Matthew Hunziker’s Really-Badly-Thought-Out Plan™

Matt Hunziker lets out a deep sigh and just kind of lets his body flop a little bit. He pillows his head on his arms and lets out an exaggerated, slightly strangled groan. 

He’s just so _done_ with this shit. 

For months now, 90% of all of the editing he’s had to do is just of Brad and Claire, having to cut and slice certain bits of footage so it’s not quite so blindingly obvious how in love the two of them are. He’s half given up on the pining looks and doe-y eyes; they’re always gonna make it into the video a little bit, if only because if Hunzi _did_ cut out all of those moments, Brad and Claire would never be on camera at the same time. Or in the same video. 

And, really, this is mostly Brad’s fault. Hunzi’s only doing this much editing because he cares about his friend, who puts up a pretty good front, but Hunzi knows that he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s pretty much fallen completely head over heels in love with Claire Saffitz (he’s not doing very well, like, at all), and Hunzi knows that Brad doesn’t see that she looks at him with that same adoration and raw affection that he looks at her with— and it _kills_ him. 

Despite this, and despite Hunzi’s many attempts to _subtly_ prove otherwise, Brad has remained entirely oblivious to the fact that his unrequited love is very much so requited. Therefore, Hunzi doesn’t think he’s being unreasonable when, on his _seventh_ coffee break of the day (he doesn’t think he’ll ever sleep again with the amount of caffeine in his blood right now), Hunzi decides to throw _subtlety_ right out of the fucking window because it’s just getting ridiculous. 

(Seriously, Hunzi’s doing a little bit of the editing for Gourmet Makes right now — technically, he shouldn’t be, he’s like, three episodes behind on It’s Alive but he volunteered because he saw Brad and Claire interacting in this video when it was being filmed, and he’s not sure the other editors would cut out those lingering moments quite as graciously as Hunzi will. Claire was making gourmet Warheads, and only about ten seconds of her and Brad on camera together was actually usable because they were so fucking close together the whole time. Seriously. Hunzi has never seen two people stand that close together just, like, casually.) 

So, Matt Hunziker hatches a plan. 

///

The plan is simple. Or so Hunzi thinks. Honestly, he’s really not sure. It’s not a very well thought out plan (and, Claire being a subject in the plan aside, it definitely would not receive her stamp of approval in terms of how much thought has actually gone into said plan). Hunzi feels a little bit more like he’s half written a Hallmark movie than come up with a plan.

It might already be a Hallmark movie, come to think of it. 

It honestly doesn’t really matter how good of a plan it is. Hunzi is like 78% sure that it will work regardless. 

(Which is good because it’s a bad plan.) 

///

The easy part of the plan is over, and Hunzi doesn’t know if he feels more relaxed now that the wheels are in motion or more panicked because there really isn’t any going back now. Logically, Hunzi knew that this was pretty much the only part of his Really-Badly-Thought-Out Plan™ that was foolproof, but it still feels like a win. Proposing that Claire guest appears on another It’s Alive episode? There was pretty much no way Rapoport was gonna say no to that; last time, he got three videos with decent view counts and positive comments— no brainer. 

Now Hunzi has three weeks to fine-tune the rest of the ‘plan’ (he hadn’t really thought about it beyond this point), because that’s when they shoot the episode, Brad and Claire making something dessert-related, probably, and spending several hours with soft touches and far-to-close standing and oh, the looks. 

Clearly, Hunzi is a glutton for punishment. 

Next he just has to tell Brad Leone that he has to spend several hours with his best friend, and probable love of his life (although he doesn’t know that because he’s a blind fool, at least in Matthew Hunziker’s expert opinion), and be filmed while doing it. Which should be… fine. Brad’s a pretty sensitive guy, and even though he does put on a pretty good front, Hunzi knows he’s always self-conscious to be on camera with Claire, in case his eternal devotion to her shines through the cracks. 

Which it does, obviously, but Hunzi does his best to patch those cracks and dim the lights a little. 

///

“Hey, Brad!” Hunzi calls, jogging slightly to catch up to all 6’4” of Brad Leone who has stopped very abruptly at being called. 

“Alright, Hunzi! How ya doin’ bud? Haven’t seen ya since ya got back from vacation, you’ve been all hidden away doin’ all your editing magic an’ shit.” 

Hunzi smiles, because even though he technically sees Brad every day, repeatedly, for hours, seeing him in person and talking to him really is a different thing. “Yeah, well, I’ve seen way too much of you, Leone. Think you can talk less so I have less to edit?”

“Then how would ya earn all these vacations you keep takin’, huh, bud?”

“Very funny,” Hunzi replies drily, but can’t help the way he smiles very slightly in amusement. 

“Anyway, Leone, we have a kind-of plan for the second episode in the new season of It’s Alive.”

“... a kind of plan? How do we have a kind of plan, Hunzi?”

Hunzi can’t help the nervousness that washes over him at the skeptical look on Brad’s face. It’s fine. The plan is... it’s fine. It’s not the best plan, sure, but it’s also not the worst (just barely, but Hunzi refuses to admit that to himself as steadfastly as Brad refuses to admit how in love he is with Claire). 

“Well we’re having Claire as a guest again, but we don’t have a recipe for it yet. Rapo wanted to leave that totally up to you.”

A little colour drains from Brad’s face, rushing to the tips of his ears that start turning red. He shifts on his feet, all 6’4” of him suddenly seeming to fold in on itself slightly. “I, uh, yeah. Sounds good. Ol’ half-sour and me together again.” 

Hunzi can only really shake his head at this ridiculous man in front of him. Claire is so in love with him it’s crazy, how doesn’t he see that?

“Yeah, I thought so. Videos with you and Claire are always magic, or as Rapo so kindly puts it ‘generate a lot of traffic’.”

Brad huffs out a laugh at that. “Yeah, Rapo’s a good guy, but he’s a little too focused on the numbers sometimes.”

“You think?”

Brad’s about to reply when a “Hey, Brad!” cuts across the kitchen, and he and Hunzi both turn their heads to see none other than Claire Saffitz walking towards them. Hunzi watches Brad’s whole demeanour transform, his eyes lighting up a few shades and a smile spreading across his lips. 

Hunzi rolls his eyes. _Of course_. 

“Hey, Claire!” Brad greets, with that boundless optimism so characteristic of Brad, and that deep-rooted love gleaming in his eyes so characteristic of Brad whenever Claire is anywhere near him. “How ya doin’ half-sour? Workin’ on somethin’ in the ol’ test kitchen?”

She grins back at him, swaying towards him slightly, and Hunzi almost throws his hands up in the air and yells at them both because they’re being _so stupid_. He restrains himself. Barely. 

Seriously, Claire has a degree from Harvard and she can’t figure out that Brad Leone is well and truly, completely and absolutely, ridiculously, head-over-heels in love with her? 

Hunzi rolls his eyes. Again. 

“Yeah, the new Gourmet Makes starts shooting today.”

“Ooh, whatcha makin’, huh, Saffitz?” 

“You’ll just have to come down and find out like everyone else, Leone,” Claire teases, and Hunzi thinks he may honestly just die, right now, in this spot, because Brad Leone is looking at Claire Saffitz with this look of love and longing and Hunzi is 0.2 seconds away from actually bashing their heads together. 

He changes the subject, “So, Claire—” he starts, and almost rolls his eyes _again_ (that would be the third time in as many minutes, if you were keeping track), because Claire startles a little bit at his presence and he’s been stood there, right next to Brad, this whole time. “— did Rapo tell you about the It’s Alive episode yet?”

“Oh, yeah,” her eyes light up in recognition, and Hunzi thinks he sees Brad _melt_ a little bit from the corner of his eye. “He just asked if I was free in like three weeks to go on It’s Alive again and I said yes. I really don’t know anything else.”

“Neither do I, Claire!” Brad practically explodes next to him, and Hunzi startles a little at how abrupt it was but Claire doesn’t miss a beat. Because of course she doesn’t. “Ol’ Hunzi here just dropped that bomb on me like two minutes ago! I don’t even have a recipe planned.”

“A bomb, huh? You really want to compare me to _a bomb_, Brad?” Claire has that mischievous, gleeful look in her eye that she gets so rarely— only when she’s completely carefree. It’s refreshing to witness, even for Hunzi who has absolutely no non-platonic feelings for her (unlike some people present), and Hunzi knows that it will disappear pretty quickly as she starts whatever Gourmet Makes is next. 

Brad, however, suddenly turns somewhat bashful, and Hunzi doesn’t know whether to laugh, save it for later teasing or be even more frustrated at the whole situation because _damnit Brad, look at how she’s looking at you!_

“Well— I, uh— ya see, the thing is that— it’s—”

“Brad,” Claire gasps on a laugh, resting a hand on Brad’s bicep as though it was nothing, “I was kidding.”

“Yeah, uh,” Brad coughs, looks very briefly at Claire’s hand on his arm, smiles this soft, delighted smile. “…Course you were.”

Hunzi honestly just turns and walks away at that point, physically unable to handle any more of their Brad-and-Claire-ness for the rest of the day. Internally, he chants _three weeks_ over and over again to stop himself from just locking them in a closet. 

///

Three weeks of Hunzi steadfastly avoiding Brad and Claire later, and they’re shooting the episode. Well, they’re shooting the episode in about three hours, to be precise. Brad is already skittish, his regular intense nervous energy amplified, and Hunzi is _really_ struggling to cope. 

Brad Leone is currently something resembling a nervous wreck. His attention span is minimal on a good day, but on a day where he’s working closely with Claire Saffitz? Hopeless. 

He’s flitting from station to station, making conversation with anyone and everyone as he goes, grabbing pots and pans and putting them back again just to keep himself occupied. 

Hunzi is honestly nearing insanity. Who would have thought making sure the camera settings and Brad’s mic were all good would lead to such a crisis? 

“Hey, Brad? Could you come over here a second? I need to sort your mic.” 

“Yeah, sure I can, bud. Hey, what time did ya tell Claire to get here? Did you tell her to get here early so she wouldn’t be late, huh bud? You shoulda. What if she’s late _again_?” Brad is talking a mile a minute he’s so amped up with nervous energy and Hunzi almost has to shake his head just to process it. 

“Uh, no, Brad, I didn’t tell Claire to get here early. If she’s late again then we’ll just have another 45 minutes of you fighting a losing battle with your own mind, buddy.”

Brad shoots Hunzi a sarcastic smile, ribbing back with a, “Yeah, fuck you, Hunzi, ya little shit.” And Hunzi thinks he may deserve a medal for distracting Brad for even a second (and it really _was_ just a second, Brad is already back to jumping from foot to foot, nervous energy fissuring through him). 

But then, Claire Saffitz is entering the test kitchen, and Brad and Hunzi hear her arrival more than see it, Gaby shouting a delighted, “Claire! We’ve missed you!”

Claire laughs, smiles fondly at Gaby. “I was here two weeks ago, Gaby, you can’t have missed me too much.” The first glance Hunzi (and Brad) get of Claire is her arms wrapping around Gaby for a hug. 

“Claire,” Christina sighs, appearing from around the corner, “When will you learn that we will always miss you when you’re not around.”

Hunzi can see Brad standing completely, stoically still from the corner of his eye, waiting with bated breath (and with far more patience than Hunzi thought Brad possessed) to finally get a first glance at Claire. 

“Maybe I have learned. Maybe I just like hearing it every time I come into the kitchen,” Claire teases to Christina, over her shoulder, because she’s finally in view of Hunzi and Brad, and Hunzi is 90% sure that Brad Leone’s heart is currently not beating. 

He’s certainly not breathing. 

“Hey, Brad!” Claire grins, walking over to them. It’s getting cold in New York, and she’s still wearing her hat, coat, and scarf, a wide smile on her lips and she’s shedding layers as she approaches the two of them. Hunzi sees Brad start breathing again. 

Actually, he sees Brad gasp.

Because Claire Saffitz is wearing the t-shirt that Brad got for her on one of the Goin’ Places shoots, and Hunzi is pretty sure that he’s never seen Brad look so dumbfoundedly joyful in his life. “Uh, hey, half-sour. You have a good few weeks away from all of us in the ol’ test kitchen?”

“It was okay. Little quiet without you around while I’m trying to recipe test, Leone.”

“Ah, well, what can I say? I leave an impression.” 

Hunzi watches Claire bite back a soft,_ yeah, you do_, and he almost combusts on the spot trying to force himself not to shout _would you just LOOK at what’s right in front of you?_

Brad Leone and Claire Saffitz will be the death of him. He is 99.9% certain about that one.

The other 0.1% is from Brad spontaneously shouting things during shoots and Hunzi nearly having a heart attack while editing. It’s happened more than Hunzi is willing to admit. 

///

Hunzi would say that they’re about half way through the shoot. The test kitchen is desolate, save for the three of them; they’re still on the recipe part of the video, and they’ve been filming for what feels like forever because Brad and Claire keep stopping, and getting off topic, or just fucking staring into each other’s eyes. 

Hunzi is reminded of why he needed to do this in the first place. 

And now, the plan commences. 

It really isn’t a very good plan. It’s barely a plan. The plan is basically just wishful thinking. 

Hunzi never claimed to be any good at scheming behind his friends’ backs. (He thinks it’s probably a good thing, if he’s honest.)

Right after they got just enough footage for this section, but Brad and Claire can’t step away from the recipe just yet, Hunzi announces that he’s leaving. “Hey, guys?”

“Yeah, what’s up bud?” Brad asks, properly looking at Hunzi for probably the first time since Claire entered the room. 

“I’ve just gotta head upstairs and grab a few things. Don’t break the camera while I’m gone or something.”

Claire feigns an affronted look, “Hunzi! You think I can’t keep him in check?” She asks, a twinkle in her eye as she nudges Brad with her shoulder. (Yes, they are _that_ close together. Yes, Hunzi _does_ want to scream just slightly.) 

“Maybe it’s _you_ I’m worried about, Saffitz,” Hunzi calls as he’s leaving, and he hears Brad let out a triumphant ‘_ha_!’, almost definitely accompanied by a gleeful, teasing look shot in Claire’s direction. 

///

Matt Hunziker, very strategically, takes at least an hour to just ‘head upstairs and grab a few things’. He also, suspiciously, receives no texts asking him where he is from either Brad or Claire. 

It’s suspicious, but also promising. 

Matt Hunziker also (again, very strategically) does not announce when he’s re-entering the test kitchen, with the hope that he’ll walk in and Brad and Claire will have finally aired out their feelings for each other and Hunzi can finally stop wanting to tear his hair out watching how stupid they’re being. 

However, a heavy pit of disappointment weighs in his stomach when he returns to find that absolutely nothing is different between them. They look the same, they’re interacting the same, they’re still watching each other with those longing looks and Hunzi has fight off the sudden wave of exhaustion that washes over him. 

Fuck. 

///

It takes Hunzi a really long time to finally get around to editing the episode of It’s Alive that he has since taken to calling _Matthew Hunziker’s Really-Badly-Thought-Out Plan™ And It’s Inevitable Failure_ in his head. He’s been procrastinating it, just a little bit (or a lot) and he really has had a lot of other editing to do, especially since he is still having to edit literally anything Brad and Claire appear in together to make sure that nothing _too_ piney makes it into a final edit. (He lets a little bit get in just as punishment for them not figuring it the hell out yet). 

Hunzi needs a raise. 

And sleep. 

So, it’s maybe a month after the episode is shot when Hunzi finally starts piecing together an edit. And holy shit. Hunzi has never wished he’d looked at something sooner in his life. 

Because he’s watching his computer screen, and he’s rubbed his eyes and pinched himself about seventy times and everything seems to say that _this is really happening_. 

It didn’t take long, maybe only five/ten minutes after Hunzi left the test kitchen and left the camera running (he hadn’t realised he hadn’t turned it off before he left— he would have seen this footage sooner if he had). Brad and Claire are kissing. On his computer monitor. Holy shit. 

He looks around, makes sure nobody’s looking, rewinds the video and presses play. 

He wasn’t paying attention before. (He really wishes he had been.)

“You think you can _handle me_, huh half-sour?” Brad’s teasing, and he sees Claire blush at the double entendre in Brad’s words. She chuckles softly, glances up at him through her lashes, and Hunzi sees Brad also begin to blush at the double entendre in his words. “I- uh, that’s not—”

Claire laughs, putting a soft hand on Brad’s bicep, mirroring the moment that Hunzi had been present for three weeks before. “I know, Brad,” she murmurs, but she’s looking at his lips and Hunzi _sees_ the moment it all falls into place for her. 

It falls over her face in fragments, and the whole thing seems so surreal because the sunset in the background is filtering orange and pink light through the test kitchen and because _finally_. Claire’s looking at Brad with something that looks a lot like love glimmering behind her gaze and her shoulders straighten when she redirects her eyes to meet his and boldly says, “I _do_ think I can handle you.”

It’s the way she says it, the emphasis she puts on just the right words and it’s how close the two of them are. 

Hunzi sees Brad’s eyes widen, sees him swallow. “Claire—” he croaks, throat hoarse, but he doesn’t get to finish. Claire cuts him off. 

Claire _kisses_ him.

They’re _kissing_. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

It _worked_. Hunzi had basically done a slightly more adult and plausible version of locking them in a closet until they figured it out; the whole ‘plan’ was forced proximity. It shouldn’t have worked. 

Brad and Claire break apart, Brad’s eyes flicker open and he’s looking at Claire so softly, so affectionately, but most importantly: so _openly_. 

_Finally_. 

Hunzi skips the rest of it, not wanting to intrude more than he already has on a moment so personal and so private. He sees a lot of talking, a lot of kissing, and then them abruptly springing apart. He furrows his brow, changes the speed of the video back to normal, and watches himself walk into the frame a few seconds later.

Sneaky little devils. 

///

Hunzi doesn’t tell Brad and Claire that he knows about them until three months after that, when they announce that they’re dating to the rest of the test kitchen. They look at him, wide-eyed, sputtering out a “how?” (Claire), and punching his arm when they find out how (Brad). 

Hunzi’s engagement gift for them is a copy of the tape. He never told them he’d kept it. 

Claire wells up, and attacks Hunzi with a hug. 

“Thank you, Hunzi,” she mutters in his ear. 

“Claire, it’s no big deal, I’ve had that file _forever_. I was just waiting for the right moment.” 

Claire chuckles, wipes a tear off her cheek (happy tears, she assures him, with a smile so wide and sincere he doesn’t doubt it for a second), and looks Hunzi in the eye again. “No, I—” she sighs. “I know you engineered the whole thing.” She turns to look at Brad, who’s chatting jovially with Chris and Andy, a look of sheer affection filtering over her features. “I think we would’ve got there anyway, but um, you gave us a head start. _Thank you_.”

Hunzi smiles, “You’re very welcome, Claire.” And then a mischievous glint settles in his eye as he teases, “Besides, it was for purely selfish reasons. I mean, _God_, the _pining_ that—”

Claire slaps his arm, glee alight in her eyes so he knows she isn’t mad, not really. 

“Don’t push it, Hunziker.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this really bizarre, really ridiculous fic. It was fun to write. I'm really not used to not writing angst, so this was definitely a new adventure for me. 
> 
> I have a tumblr! I also don't know how it works, so you can come say hi (is that what you do?). I am accepting volunteers for lessons in how to use it. 
> 
> Kidding... unless..?
> 
> I don't know how to link it (welp, seriously) but it's stupidsecretthings.
> 
> \+ leave a comment if you're so inclined - they make my day <3


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